Here I go back to school again to continue my textbook education in the world of ASL! I am excited and nervous all at the same time. However, just like your teachers tell you, the only way for you to really understand and get this beautiful language is to get out and experience the culture!
I had the biggest anxiety about being out and meeting Deaf people. Truth be told, I still do. I don’t feel adequate in my signing or of my understanding. I also get nervous which I think raises my feeling of inadequateness.
However, as my Great-grandmother use to say God looks out for monkeys, babies and fools.(LOL I know Right!) God looked out for me and through a friend of mine I was introduced to an Amazing group of people that work with Deaf youth here in Jacksonville and St. Augustine (more about YL at another time).
Now, at first I really didn’t know what to expect and at the same time it was not what I expected. The short time I spent with and being a part of the group and playing games with the students of FSDB on Wednesday evenings was super fun!
It brought home even more so for me the fact that I still have much to learn not only about ASL but myself as well. All my feelings of being inadequate were still there during this time. The students nor the leaders made me feel bad about my lack of understanding and the kids were patient and understanding of me when I needed them to repeat things.
I put more pressure on myself than anyone there did and all the junk I was carrying made me say I don’t want to be a part of YL and that I am no help to this group if I can’t speak the language or understand it! I mean I came up with 10,001 reasons why I should not continue. My husband felt like I was afraid and running. When I thought about it maybe he was right.
In this moment in my life more than ever I am learning how to truly let go and let God! To really take into myself who God is in my life. He is my strength and said where I am weak He is strong and that with Him all things are possible! When I step outside my comfort zone I need to always remember He is there and everything will be alright! In my weakness He is strong!! and I am made whole!!
I am still scared as I take these steps towards my destiny but like the Amored Bear Urich in The Golden Compass says “that when he is afraid he will master his fear!”